#1. Be sincere, and don’t take anything personally! While Online Dating has resulted in many matches that we personally know of – it has also become SO popular and mainstream that the “less serious” folks have joined en masse. People online can be rude, mean, flakey, or flat-out liars. You will be rejected on a daily basis for all kinds of reasons, none of which have anything to do with your worth as a person! There are plenty of players, creeps, and married people looking to cheat. But you will also meet some sincere, nice, fun people (just like YOU!). You just learn to weed out the bad ones! Be very discerning, and research any new prospects carefully before you meet. Online Dating can take nerves of steel at times – just keep at it and, again, don’t take any rejection personally!
#2. Write a good interesting profile of moderate length that describes your unique individuality in a positive way, use spell-check, and put up clear smiling photos that represent your looks as they are now. Profiles with photos get 3 to 10 times as much contact as those without.
#3. Decide what your “deal-breakers” are (age-range, location, smoking, height, kids, religion, lifestyle, etc). Reply to those people who meet your top 4 or 5 criteria – and who have written you a proper email with at least one full sentence! If you receive a “Wink” or “Interest” and they meet your preferences, Wink or Interest in return. You will soon begin to recognize a sincere, real message from someone who actually took the time to read your profile. These are the ones to respond to! Men: beware of contact from “women” in places like Ghana, Romania, etc, especially if they are in their 20s and have gorgeous pictures, or if they have NO picture and a minimal profile. These are scams to try to trick you into giving your personal information and credit card numbers. Sad but true. Just delete them and block them from further contact.
#4. Unless you are on a Herpes-specific site, you may mention your HSV status in your profile or not, as you choose. Most HerpeSite correspondents have chosen to save that information for once they get to know the other person beyond a few dates. In reality, most people you meet from Online Dating sites will not go past the first couple of dates, anyway, so generally a good time to talk about HSV is if the relationship seems to be getting more serious. Again, it’s a virus that you have, it’s not who you are. For your safety as well as your peace of mind, please get to know someone VERY well before crossing the intimacy bridge.
#5. Be Safe! Communicate with someone a bit online before giving out your personal contact information. On the other hand, don’t spend weeks and months chatting online and on the phone before meeting in person, as that can lead to a “fantasy relationship” and cloud your judgement as to the person’s true character in real life.
Use a non-work email address.
Don’t give out your home address or information about your place of work until after you meet someone and have a good read on their character.
NEVER have a new online date meet you at your home or pick you up from home or work. Meet for the first time at a public place like a restaurant, bar, or coffee shop, not in a secluded area.
Use a cell phone or a landline that is not traceable to your address. (Some women use a disposable number until they get to know someone for several dates.)
Keep your wits about you while on the date by refraining from drinking alcohol or keeping it to a one-drink maximum, and don’t leave your drink unattended or allow your date to walk you to a dark secluded parking lot.
The first meeting can (and many people say should) be short.
#6 Have fun, and use the first communications and dates to assess their character and compatibility. The first meeting is a way to get to know if you and the other person have “chemistry.” Are they who they say they are? Did they represent themselves accurately? What’s your read on them? Planning a short first meeting is a great way to make sure that if there’s no attraction, you can exit gracefully. Remember that most people you meet from online dating sites won’t go past the first meeting. If all goes well on the first meeting, you can arrange to meet again.
HerpeSite correspondents tell us that they also find it very useful and enlightening to Google their date’s information, including their name, handle (user name on the dating site), email address, and do a reverse look-up of their phone number.
All these caveats aside – Online Dating can be a fun adventure and a good way to at least practice your Dating skills. Bear in mind that online dating is a numbers game, so get in the game and give it time. It can take several months or more and dozens of dates to meet someone you click with enough to consider a real relationship with beyond dating. Give it time, and don’t get discouraged if you don’t meet “the One” right away. Get out there and make it fun. And, like so many others, you just might meet your soulmate!
Good luck with Internet Dating! Remember to be safe, take it slow and easy, and have FUN with it!
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