The People with Herpes: "I am My First Line of Defense"

I contracted herpes through my best friend. We had been friends for two years, but lost touch, and then we reconnected. I trusted him explicitly. I asked him if he had any kind of STD. He told me 'no' and I left it at that because I was naive and again, I trusted him. I felt I had no reason not to. I irresponsibly had sex with him throughout our new relationship without condoms. My relationship with him was the most fulfilling of any I had ever experienced. I was never happier.

Last Thanksgiving, I was going to meet his family for the first time. We were all converging in Virginia, which was a long drive for us. That morning, before the drive, I noticed I was kind of sore down there. I didn't think anything of it. About an hour into the drive, it was burning, so I thought it was a yeast infection. I got some clotrimazole and I thought that would be it. Wrong! The car ride was agony for me. I spent five minutes meeting his family and then I made my excuses, saying I was exhausted from work.

I went to the bathroom and I got right up on the sink to see if I could see anything in the mirror. I looked and I saw little white things. I almost stopped breathing. I knew I had tested positive for nothing and I had been faithful. I had no explanation but I knew something was wrong. He came to check on me after settling in with his family. I tearfully told him something was wrong and that I had never cheated on him. I was so worried that he would think I had done something wrong. He asked to see what was wrong and I showed him. He turned away from me. I was deeply hurt by that and I asked him to please talk to me. Honestly, I wanted him to tell me nothing was the matter; I wanted him to explain it away. He still wouldn't look at me, so I reiterated (kind of desperately) that I had never cheated on him. I was standing up now trying to get him to look at me. He still wouldn't look at me. Instead, he whispered his nickname for me and said, "I have something to tell you."

That was it for me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even stand up. I fell right to the floor. I couldn't move; I couldn't speak. I was completely numb.I couldn't believe that he just confirmed my worse fears, that he had lied to me, that he had betrayed me.

He told me that his ex-wife had herpes and he caught it from her. She never told him, he found out while he was deployed. He said that he was scared to tell me and that is why he never did. After I got over my shock, I couldn't even be mad. All I could think about was that I was going to be better than him. I told him I would never do what he did to me by not telling me. I said I would never take a decision like that away from someone I respected, loved or liked. I did not get mad. To make a long story short, I forgave him right there, telling myself that I was being the better person by not losing control.
I spent the rest of that weekend in my bed, crying to my mother. I was so thankful I saved my Perrier bottle from pregnancy because it was the only way I could handle using the bathroom. My mother wanted to kill him and she could not understand why I forgave him and stayed with him. I ended up staying with him for six more months before it really dawned on me how much I did not deserve that.

I understood my blame in the whole situation. It was a hard lesson but I am now my first line of defense. Telling him to leave and realizing just how much I am worth was one of the hardest things I have ever done. He did not understand at all -- he kept saying things like "it's happened now so just move on," and I truly feel bad because he will probably do it to someone else. I just hope they are not as naive as I was.

I have had a partner by visiting the herpes dating website- Herpesfishes.com, and he knew from the very start that I have herpes. I went through all of the information I had on it, answered his questions, and it was not uncomfortable at all for me. I am not ashamed about having it, and someday I would like to publish a small story about it. I want females to know that, no matter how young or old they are, or how inexperienced or experienced they are, they should stand up for themselves.